The Ideal of Oneness with a Romantic Partner Postpones Real Love

© 2010 Peter Free

 

16 June 2010

 

Concept of oneness impairs the spiritual leap to accepting otherness

 

The unrealistic goal of achieving oneness with a romantic partner is a natural yearning that actually postpones achieving real love in relationships.  The oneness concept prohibits making the spiritual leap that uses our partner’s otherness to take us out of narrow preoccupation with ourselves.

 

Conventionally defined romance is probably always based on illusion.  The initial stages of romantic love are based on unconscious insecurities and unfounded perceptions.  To the degree that we remain unaware of these, we blunder ─ usually into dysfunction.

 

There is merit to the idea that we cannot even identify a constant “who” in what we assume ourselves to be.  Meditative inquiry shows that there is nothing solid to hang our sense of a definable “I” on.  The mind’s turmoil changes constantly.  It is statistically unlikely that our partner’s similar mental/emotional tumult is going to be congruent with our own for any period of time, if at all.

 

Real love takes us beyond unachievable two-person congruency to something spiritually grander and ultimately more genuinely loving.