Predictably Late — Why Tell Someone How Great They Are only after They’re Dead?

© 2011 Peter Free

 

06 October 2011

 

 

What purpose does being too late to express love serve?

 

The news last night and this morning was mostly about Steve Jobs’ death — the predictable outpouring of respect and affection that came too late to do him any good.

 

This ritualistic custom of ours is an understandable, but only partially productive one.

 

It is as if someone has to pass before we give ourselves permission to adore them.  And then (because they’re irretrievably gone and we’re sad), we avoid giving a balanced and humanly accurate account of their being.

 

The result is mostly pap.  One reflexive commentator after another feels compelled to say something that, being basically un-pondered, usually lacks meaningful insight.  And the resulting verbiage generally “deprickles” the deceased in a way that loses compassion’s necessary lesson about embrace.

 

Ironically, in Mr. Jobs’ instance, the wisest thing I’ve heard anyone say about his death came from him — in his 2005 Stanford commencement speech about approaching death’s value as an implement with which to hone psychic focus.

 

 

In Steve Jobs’ case, this odd custom of delayed praise is well exposed

 

To medical eyes, Mr. Jobs looked to be at death’s door for a long time.  Every time he came into media view, I sadly wondered how few days he had left.  And what thoughts were running through his mind, as increasingly precious minutes fled his grasp.

 

Given his character, Mr. Jobs’ decision to leave Apple a few weeks ago signaled the end of his life.  Spiritually speaking, that would have been a more appropriate time to have praised him and his contributions.  He would have witnessed our appreciation.

 

Today’s respect comes too late to benefit him — at least for those of us who question whether “he” can (or would wish to) still hear us.

 

Our post-death ritualistic outpouring is not love and compassion adequately expressed.

 

 

The moral? — Be now, do now

 

Share respect, do compassion.  Love.  Here, now.